Debasement
by MyGoldenGlow
Summary: Jules finds herself trapped in an abusive relationship, but is too afraid to tell anyone. And maybe just a bit too in love with her boyfriend to admit that he's hurting her.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Takes place before Eagle Two.  
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**_The first time, you're full of shame and confusion. The second time you feel stupid. The third, fourth, and fifth? They start to trap you in an endless cycle. And by the time you've reach the fiftieth, you hate yourself, and there's no way out but the sweet release of death. _**

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The first time it happened, she had actually thrown him out – physically. It had been one of their bigger fights – maybe the biggest. Thinking back, she can't quite remember how it started, but it ended up becoming an all out screaming match. They got in each other's faces and maybe there was some shoving – from her or from him, she isn't sure. Then suddenly the side of her face lit on fire. It had taken her only one second to register the slap that she had missed coming, although it felt like an eternity before she had grabbed his shoulder and shoved him out the door. He had been frozen in horror, gasping strange sobs as he stumbled out. Only after she had locked the door did she let her hand hesitantly travel up to cup the stinging area of skin. She leaned against the door, breathing hard, pushing back tears that threatened to fall.

Part of her screamed that she should have noticed his fist and blocked him – she was a trained SRU Agent! The other part of her was wallowing in horror. She heard him at the door, sobbing apologies, and whirled round to scream. Finally he left and she forced herself to survey the damage in the mirror. The left side of her face was a brilliant red, but she was pretty sure it wouldn't bruise. She really hoped it wouldn't bruise.

_Its okay, Jules,_ she told herself, taking deep, steadying breaths, _no need to spread your shame to the world. Just never talk to him again. _She was still shaking, as she went into the kitchen to grab some ice, in hopes that her face would return to normal by the next morning.

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**Review - no flames please! Should I continue?  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Next chapter! I'm planning on updating once a week - every Monday. **

**Not Mine!  
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She felt jumpy and uncomfortable the next day in work – her mind still trying to create a play by play of just what happened – and how she could have prevented it. Sarge pulled her aside at the end of the day and asked her if anything was wrong, and she muttered something about Scott's grandmother being sick, and him being worried, and not getting enough sleep. He nodded and offered her an early start on the weekend – it was Friday already? – but she declined.

When she finally got home, after struggling to force a realistic smile on her face for hours, she found a card and a red rose waiting at her doorstep. Her first reaction was to throw it away, as soon as she recognized the handwriting on the envelope, but even as she brought it over to the trash can, she hesitated. She let the flower drop, but opened the card. She convinced herself that she was just curious – wondering how he was going to try to make up for his actions. The note was simple.

_Jules,_

_Words cannot express how sorry I am. I know it won't change anything, but I truly want you to understand that I would never, ever, intentionally hurt you. I don't know what happened - I don't really know how it happened. Everything that happened last night is just a blur, and I can't figure out how we let it get that far. I'm not asking for a second chance, but if you would please just agree to meet me, just so that I can apologize properly. I'll understand if you don't want to – I probably wouldn't, if I were you. Please, just know that I am so very, very sorry. _

_-Scott_

She almost ripped the card into tiny pieces. Almost hurled it into the trash and sat down without a second thought. But she hesitated. Giving him a chance to apologize in person wouldn't be the end of the world. It wasn't like she was accepting him back and her boyfriend – that would never happen. But just giving him a chance to reconcile with her. And she was pretty sure that clearing the air wouldn't hurt her one bit. Maybe now she would be able to spend her hours doing something other than wonder how it happened. So she waited until Saturday morning, and then called him. His voice was thick with tears when he answered.

"Scott, its Jules. I've thought about what you said, and I think that just talking might do some good. We can have lunch together, or something."

He sounded so relieved, and kept reminding her that he knew they weren't getting back together. So she changed into decent clothes and brushed her hair and spent an hour walking in the park with him talking. And at first it was just awkward, then it got uncomfortable, then they spent a good twenty minutes sobbing. And somehow, she found herself sitting on her couch with him. Part of her was screaming, _Don't do this Jules! You deserve better than him! _ But the other part of her was arguing, _We were both shoving each other that night, it was bound to escalate. He just happened to swing first, is all. It's not like he's abusive – it was a fight, we were getting pushy. I could've hit him, but I didn't because I was trained not to use force. If he hits me again then I'll break it off. But he really is sorry. _

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	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so it isn't technically Monday, but in approximately 45 minutes it will be, so I'm just gonna post now. As a special treat :)**

**Disclaimer: Not Mine! And because I'm kind of lazy, this will be my last disclaimer, since I don't see a need to put it on every chapter - so for future reference, I do not own anything! Next week, I will not miraculously have bought Flashpoint, so I still won't own it. And you don't actually have to read any of this. Thanks!  
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Weeks went by, and Jules had almost forgotten the whole incident. She let time blur it over, until it became a story that no longer held the same fear and terror she had felt while living it. And then it happened. She was coming home from work late one night, laughing with Wordy on the phone as she mounted the stairs. She laughed again as he put her on speaker phone, letting the rest of the team poke their own jibes at her for leaving early to go home to her boyfriend. She said something in response as she shut the door behind her – something a little mean with sexual undertones, and hung up. Scott came in from the kitchen, his face frowning. All at once, her heart plummeted and she felt her body freeze. Forcing the panic down she smiled and went up to hug him, but he stepped back.

"Who was that?" he asked a hint of disapproval in his voice.

"Just the guys from work, Scott."

"You spend a lot of time with them," he said, sounding mildly uncomfortable, and upset.

"Yeah, well I love you more," she smiled, reached up for a hug, and this time he reciprocated.

"I just wish you would spend some more time with me. I am your boyfriend."

She kissed him with a smile, "Work's tough," she said simply, and he sighed and let her go.

She headed into the kitchen, "Did you get anything for dinner?"

"Wasn't sure what time you'd be back." His tone reminded her of a sulking child.

"Want to go out? I don't think there's a lot of food in the fridge," she called, studying the strange array of milk, ham, and something that might once have been spaghetti.

"I don't think there's anywhere open." Scott said, "It's pretty late."

"I'm _sorry,"_ Jules said, turning to face him, exasperation filling her tone, "It was a tough day, alright? Look, from now on I'll try to get home sooner, so we can spend more time together. But it's not like I can just walk away and leave a hostage with a gun to his head because my boyfriend wants to go out to dinner!" She walked past him into the living room, trying to bite her tongue so that she could stop the fight before it started. She hated fighting with him.

"All I want is for you to spend more time with me than with your 'team'!"

She whirled around, a retort already coming to her lips. _Me and my big mouth_ she groaned as what should have been a relaxing dinner turned into a fight. Their voices got louder and louder, old complaints filling the air, along with insults.

"You never think about me! It's always 'the guys at work this' or 'the SRU team that'!" he shouted, stepping closer in as his anger reached a breaking point.

"Shut up!" she screamed, shoving him, hard. He stumbled back, hitting the table and almost falling. She glared at him, even as a part of her wanted to check to make sure he was alright. He charged forward, grabbing her arm and twisting it behind her back. Instincts kicked in and she almost flipped him, before she forced herself to stop. This wasn't some killer who had a gun to an innocent person's head – it was Scott. Physically fighting him was stupid.

He kicked her back and she felt herself thud forward and hit the floor. Rolling her over his fists rained hell on her arms, stomach, and occasionally on her face, if she let her arms drop.

"Scott! Stop! Scott! Stop it!" she screamed, kicked blindly, and struggled to shove the couch back so that she could have room to get up and run. _What do you mean run? Fight back! No one hurts you and lives! _she shouted at herself, but at the moment, everything was a confusing struggle of arms and legs and pain, as she closed her eyes in an effort to protect them.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Recap:**

_He kicked her back and she felt herself thud forward and hit the floor. Rolling her over his fists rained hell on her arms, stomach, and occasionally on her face, if she let her arms drop._

_"Scott! Stop! Scott! Stop it!" she screamed, kicked blindly, and struggled to shove the couch back so that she could have room to get up and run. __What do you mean run? Fight back! No one hurts you and lives! she shouted at herself, but at the moment, everything was a confusing struggle of arms and legs and pain, as she closed her eyes in an effort to protect them._

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She woke up cocooned in bed, a bottle of aspirin and a cup of water on the bedside table, a small note scribbled.

_I am so sorry. I'm not asking to talk to you – take the meds and go back to sleep. I told work you were sick. I cleared out my stuff. I think I need help, Jules. I'm going to anger management – I never want this to happen again._

_-Scott_

Her body ached. She took the pills, but didn't go back to sleep. Instead, she forced herself up, closing her eyes against the pain. _How the hell did this happen?_

Staring at herself in the mirror, she felt shame fill her body. Her arms were covered in bruises, her cheek and right eye both sported lovely black and blue marks. Gingerly she pulled up her shirt to reveal her stomach and what looked like one massive bruise, although upon closer inspection she could see fist marks that were separate. Jules wondered how long he had hit her after she had fallen unconscious – because she was pretty sure it hadn't stopped when she had. She felt her stomach tenderly – as much as it hurt, she was pretty sure nothing was broken. She wasn't sure she risked going to the hospital and getting it put on permanent record just to find out. She hesitated – each breath hurt, and she didn't want to risk going in to work tomorrow with broken ribs.

Eventually, Jules decided that she would go to a clinic – lie about her name, get a quick check up, and then if anything was seriously wrong, she would decide what to do from there.

A quick phone call and an hour later she had been reassured that there were no broken bones or internal bleeding – only quite a lot of bruises.

"You know," the nurse said kindly, as Jules pulled a shirt on, wincing, "dear, there are a lot of places you could go, if you needed to get away. Plenty of programs, to help people…in situations like yours. Here's my number, in case you need to talk to someone, or if you need some help getting started."

Jules took the piece of paper numbly. _No, you've got it all wrong,_ she wanted to say, _it isn't like that at all! It was a one-time thing. Ok, a two-time thing. But never again. He's gone. If he hadn't left I'd have kicked him out, and I'm not some weak little girl. I'm a sniper, I'm Sierra 1!_ But she couldn't bring herself to say anything, so she mumbled something akin to 'thanks but no thanks' shoving the scrap of paper in her pocket and standing up. The lady held open the door, then called softly,

"No man is worth that, sweetheart. You deserve better. Just remember that."

Jules didn't bother to correct her, because right now, she needed to buy concealer – a LOT of concealer. She also decided that stocking up on pain pills and long sleeved shirts would not be a bad idea. Especially if this became a daily thing. As that thought entered her brain, Jules froze with her hand on the door of her car – that was a dangerous thought. _You are not going to let this become routine for you, Julianna Callaghan! That is not the way you are supposed to be treated! Oh God, what the hell is the matter with you? _

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	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

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It was impossible to hide the bruises from her team. Arriving late, changing at home, and using make up helped. Long sleeves, pain meds, and practicing a forced 'smile through the pain' expression made things easier. But no matter how much concealer a girl wears, a bruise on her face will always show through.

"Jules?" Sam questioned, eyeing her as she left the changing room. She looked up, innocently,

"Hmm?"

"Your eye. What happened?"

Jules could not make her brain work fast enough to come up with a legitimate lie. She had already planned out her excuse for not being there the day before, but she had hoped that leaving her hair down would draw attention away from her face.

"I, uh…" she struggled to think of a response, "Ok, this is going to sound pretty stupid…" she looked down, forcing a laugh out of her tight chest, "but I actually knocked a bucket of tools off a ledge and they hit me in the face." _See through this,_ part of her screamed, _tell me I'm lying! You're smart Sam, tell me I'm lying! You know that I am! God, Sam, please notice something is wrong!_

Sam grinned, and the rest of the team laughed at her clumsiness, with the cat calls of, "I thought you never slipped up!" She took it all with a grin, part of her desperate to tell them the truth – that she hadn't been clumsy at all. Although Jules _was_ willing to classify letting Scott back into her life as a slip up.

Ed questioned her again when she avoiding the gym – asking if she was sure she was alright. She nodded, claimed she had a headache, and skirted around Spike and Wordy to enter her changing room, locking the door behind her. She sighed, taking steadying breaths as she rested her hand on her stomach, in an effort to soothe the pain. Finally she swallowed a few pills and left, grabbing paperwork she had already completed, and sat down with it, pretending to be working hard.

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	6. Chapter 6

**This is more of a pseudo-chapter. It was going to be posted on Wednesday, as a middle of the week treat, but life got in the way. Sorry Gabriele - this chapter is definitely not longer :) **

_**Recap:**_ _**"I actually knocked a bucket of tools off a ledge and they hit me in the face." See through this, part of her screamed. Sam grinned, and the rest of the team laughed at her. They questioned her again when she avoiding the gym – asking if she was sure she was alright. She nodded, claimed she had a headache, and skirted around Spike and Wordy to enter her changing room, locking the door behind her. She swallowed a few pills and left, grabbing paperwork she had already completed, and sat down with it, pretending to be working hard.**_

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She told Sarge she couldn't shoot properly with her black eye, but it was really because holding all that gear with her bruised muscles was killer. So for the next week or so she stayed back, wishing she could be up there, doing what she always did. At home, she kept up with her exercises, because there she could whimper and groan and make faces as she bumped her bruises and stretched out stiff muscles. Even after she had healed, she still sometimes felt herself take a mental step back, to look at the team and wonder what they would think if they knew what she had done. _That's over now!_ she chided herself, _stop thinking about it! _

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	7. Chapter 7

**And now for the complete chapter! I'm posting tonight because I'm not sure when I'll have access to the internet again - so if I don't post next Monday, forgive me.**

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It was two months later when her phone rang and she answered it, unthinkingly.

"Jules," came the familiar voice, full of nervous tension, "Wait – please don't hang up. Just hear me out. I've been in counseling. I'm talking to a therapist, and I'm better now. I promise. And I'll keep getting help, but please, give me another chance. I've done all this for you, Jules, and I'm better now. I know how to control my anger – how to express it without using my fists. I really do. And I'll keep going to therapy, all my life, if I have to, to make sure that I won't hurt anyone again. Please, Jules. I love you. I've always loved you. And I just want to be with you. Please, Jules. I need you."

She felt her throat constrict. Tears filled her eyes – she wasn't sure if they were tears of sorrow or joy.

"Scott, you really hurt me. I don't want to be one of those women who have to hide their bruises every day."

"You won't. I promise. Please, Jules. I just need another chance. I'll be better – you'll see. I swear, it'll be so much better this time."

She wasn't sure why her mouth opened in agreement – maybe it was because she missed the feeling of a warm body lying next to her, or maybe she wanted to believe that Scott really was better, and that she was his first choice – the only one he wanted to be with. As corny as it sounded, and as much as she knew it was a practiced line from abusive husbands, she let herself believe it. Because it felt nice, and Scott wasn't the type of person who said things like that on a whim. _You also thought he wasn't the type of person to hit you, and look where you ended up!_

The fact that the bruises had long since healed, and the pain was but a distant memory probably helped too – she had already decided that she hadn't been hurt nearly bad enough to warrant being absolutely horrified of him. _I've hit people before, _she thought, _when I was mad at them. The only difference is that he happens to be a guy, who's a helluva lot bigger than me. But that doesn't matter. I shoved him first, last time. It was a physical fight, like between two guys. It wasn't abuse. I stopped fighting back, I could have kept kicking him. I'm just making this into something it's not, and that's a waste of time. Why not just be happy with him?_

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	8. Chapter 8

** I got my internet working last Wednesday - lucky me! ****Enjoy!**

**Recap:** _I'm just making this into something it's not, and that's a waste of time. Why not just be happy with him?_

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Jules had never hated herself more. Like the last time, everything was fine and happy for a while. She left work earlier and skipped out on drinks with the guys in order to spend more time at home. One day she woke up only to find that Scott had turned off her alarm, and she shook him awake, furious.

"Why did you do that? I have work to do!" She shouted, then bit her lip. She had meet with Scott's therapist, who had told her that it was best to express her anger in calm sentences, so that Scott did not get upset, "I'm sorry. I just really need to go to work today, Scott."

"You spend all your time there! Even the weekends, you're hardly ever off!"

"It's an important job, Scott. And I'm trying my best to come home early and leave late so that we can be together, but I can't just call in sick whenever I want!"

Their voices got louder and louder, and suddenly Scott was driving Jules to the ER to get a cast for her wrist. She told the doctor that she slipped on the ice, and the cast was put on before the hand-shaped bruises had appeared. She went into work the next day, using the same excuse, and got sentenced to desk duty. Scott didn't apologize, and it didn't take her long to realize that he had stopped going to counseling. But he cooked meals when she was still getting the hang of her cast, and he let her pick the movies. He actually enjoyed her change in job position – her hours were more regular, and she could occasionally be reached by phone during the day.

When she finally healed and was deemed fit to return to duty, Sarge pulled her aside.

"You OK, Jules?" he asked quietly, concern filling his tone and face.

"Yeah, fine," she replied with a smile, "Why?" Her heart thudded in her chest – _he knows, he knows!_

"This is the second time in two months we've had to keep you out of the field. Is there something going on? Is it too much pressure, or…?"

_Oh God,_ she thought, _he thinks I'm hurting myself to get out of work. _

"No!" she protested loudly, "No, I love my job. And I love working here, and there really isn't a problem. I guess I've just been unlucky lately."

"Ok…" he said skeptically, "Because if there is anything wrong, you know I'm here, right?"

"I know. And if there was something wrong, I'd come to you, but there isn't."

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	9. Chapter 9

**It's still Monday - very very late Monday, but still technically Monday. Sorry for the delay. **

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When she got home that night, Jules told Scott that he had to stop hitting her, and got kicked three times in the stomach for her trouble.

And so it began. The bruises became almost daily things, and good days were classified as ones in which she only got hit three or four times.

Every day Jules promised herself she would break up with him, but she would freeze up. Then she swore she would do it after work, but they usually fought after work, and she would either black out, or be too scared. Then she decided that she would tell Sarge, Sam, or anyone else on her team – hell, maybe she'd tell the whole team – so that they would force her to break it off. But the timing never seemed right. And she didn't want to be cast as the only female on the team, who needed the men to help her out of a situation she should never have let herself get in to. So she used cover up, wore long sleeves, and always protected her face during the beatings.

She never fought back. Try as she might, she could never make herself. It was a combination of not wanting to hurt him (she knew moves that would kill, and once she started, she knew her anger wouldn't let her stop until he was dead, and she loved him too much to want to kill him), and a delusion that if she didn't turn it into a fight, her home was still a safe place.

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**I know it's short - but next week there will be an awesome, amazing, fantastically long chapter (at least, long compared to the other ones)**


	10. Chapter 10

**As a special favor to chachakid, who informed me that it is Monday in Australia, I am updating now. Enjoy!  
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Three Months Later…

Jules flexed her hands again, wincing as the burns rubbed against her gloves. She adjusted her grip and focused her sights on the subject.

"Jules?" came the question.

"I have the solution," she said calmly, fingering the trigger, praying she wouldn't have to use it. Her skin ached. She couldn't even remember what the fight was about – probably her coming home late and never spending time with him. Or maybe about how she slept all the time when they were together. Or maybe how slow she was getting dinner ready. Lately, Scott had decided that it was her job to serve him. She had protested, but what was the point? Was it worth a beating just to claim to have some semblance of control? Cooking dinner – what had once been a task divvied up equally or done together, had been reduced to 'women's work'. And if she wasn't home early enough to cook a whole meal, she usually suffered for it. She hadn't been out for drinks with the guys ever since she had let Scott back into her life.

Her life had been restricted slowly, so that she couldn't pinpoint when exactly she had gone from loving girlfriend to obedient slave. The requests were simple. Over a two day period, maybe, he'd get it into her head that he wanted her to cook a whole meal for him, all the time. She would protest, but after a while she didn't see the point, so she'd submit. Not because she thought it was right, she was constant reminding herself, but because it was the smart thing to do – _get bruises and be right, or be healthy and suffer through some more chores. _There really wasn't much of a choice. Self-Preservation wasn't high on Jules list of things she liked, because she wanted the team and the innocent victims to come first, but the dynamic with Scott was different. It was self preservation coupled with the ability to do her job, and all she sacrificed was herself.

She shook herself back to the present, as Sarge ordered, "Scorpio."

She checked her aim one more time, and twitched her finger closer to the trigger – but she couldn't. A jolt of pain swept through her skin and her grip faltered. The gun teetered, threatening to fall, and she grabbed it and pulled it back, sinking against the short wall of the roof top. Yanking her gloves off with her teeth she revealed blisters that had popped and were oozing. She blinked back tears – an automatic reaction – and let her hands rest in her lap, closing her eyes. It was too late now to do any good. The sound of a gunshot broke her concentration. She realized that Sarge's voice had been shouting in her ear ever since she had lost the shot.

"Jules! Jules! What happened? Are you okay? Jules! Report!"

"I'm fine," she finally said, knowing that she couldn't postpone the inevitable, "I lost my grip. I…I…I'm sorry."

"Ed got the solution," he said simply, "Do you need a minute?"

"Yeah," she said, yanking the earpiece out and sighing as the burns throbbed. Eventually, she was going to have to put her gloves back on, if she wanted to leave. But her hands _ached_. She jumped as she heard the door open and saw Sam, his face filled with worry.

"I'm fine," she said, as he hurried toward her.

"Jules, what…?"

"I lost my grip," she pulled her gloves on quickly, biting her lip to keep back a gasp of pain, "Almost dropped the gun. Didn't have time to aim again. My hand slipped – that's all."

He stared at her, breath coming fast – even considering the fact that he had probably run up several flights of stairs.

"I thought…when you didn't fire…"

She smiled, "At least I know I'm loved."

He laughed without humor, slinging an arm round her shoulder and walking back downstairs with her. She was pretty sure if she had to keep biting her lip when anyone came in contact with her body she was going to bite through it. Sam's hand was clutching a particularly nasty bruise – but she wasn't going to tell him that. Since she rarely saw him, she wanted to enjoy every moment she had.

"Drinks tonight?" he asked, as though expecting her answer.

"I – " she began,

" – can't," he finished with a sigh. "Come on, Jules. You never come any more."

"Scott wants me back by eight," she found herself saying, "and I've got a lot of paperwork to do," she added, dragging her mind from the restrictions her boyfriend had put on her life.

"Just tell him you're gonna be late tonight. Come on, it's not like you guys'll break up if you go out with your friends for one night."

_No,_ Jules wanted to tell him, _we won't break up, but my arm might. _Instead, she smiled, "You're just jealous 'cause I'm gettin' lucky and you're going home to a cold bed!" she teased, jumping away when he reached out to give her a slap.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Happy Memorial Day - A salute to the men and women who have fought, and died, and are currently, in service of their country**

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"Scott," Jules made herself say as they sat down to eat, "I need to talk to you."

"Ok," he said, calmly, raising his head to look at her, his eyes expressing interest. Jules wondered if he so easily forgot his anger towards her last night, or if he was just a fantastic actor.

She hesitated, unsure of how to start, then said, "Today, I missed a shot."

"O….K…." he sounded confused, and she elaborated.

"I was ready to shoot, but when I got the order, I couldn't pull the trigger. My hands were too injured."

He looked angry, so she continued in a rush, "I just wanted to ask if you would not hurt my hands, because several innocent people almost died today, because my skin was burned." That had not been what she wanted to say at all. She swallowed, stood up, then said, "I'm feeling a little sick, I don't think I'll be able to finish. I'm going to put away my dishes."

"We eat together, like a proper family," Scott said, anger in his tone. Jules automatically sank back in her seat, and then spent the rest of the meal berating herself for obeying him blindly. She did not eat – she hadn't been eating much lately anyway. Her once slim frame was probably looking skeletal, but it was hard to swallow when she was either a) recuperating from a recent attack, or b) awaiting a punishment that was sure to come. She ate what she could at work, sometimes with the guys if it was a relaxing day, sometimes she swallowed down a sandwich as she was changing.

When Scott finished she took his plate and hers and cleaned them, not bothering to use the dishwasher – anything to give her an excuse to hide out in the kitchen. Finally, she could stall no longer, and she settled herself down on the couch next to Scott. He pulled her in closer, and she stared at the TV screen blankly, not sure what she was watching. Her mind was back in the days when she wanted to cuddle with him – when she used to spend her entire day looking forward to a quiet evening with the man she loved. Now all she could think about was the fact that in 9 long hours she would finally be back with her team, covering up a new set of bruises, but feeling happy and safe.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Happy Monday! :) **

**Recap: **_Finally, she could stall no longer, and she settled herself down on the couch next to Scott. He pulled her in closer, and she stared at the TV screen blankly, not sure what she was watching._

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"See, that's sweet," Scott said suddenly. Jules snapped her head up and looked at the screen. She had been studying the stitch count on the sofa ever since she had sat down, but she knew enough to pay attention now.

"Hmm?" Then she saw. A man – still wearing his pajamas – was smiling as he drank a cup of coffee that had been waiting on the counter for him. Jules still didn't get it – she made Scott tea in a thermos every morning. Then the camera zoomed in on a note on the side of the mug: "Hugs and Kisses – Sara" was scribbled on a napkin, with a lipstick kiss for good measure.

"Isn't that a sweet thing to do for the man you love? I think she's very sweet." Scott said.

"Yes," Jules mumbled, "very." The only thing the movie meant to her was that she had to add another task to her already impossible pile.

"Are you feeling alright? You've been looking…off…all evening." Scott said gently, lifting her face gently to look at her. His hand rested on her forehead, checking her temperature like she was a child. Jules struggled to say something, but she closed her eyes against tears and leaned her head against him. His arms wrapped around her gently, stroking her hair. She closed her eyes and sighed softly – this was the way it was meant to be. _See,_ she thought, as if to prove herself to someone, _see – he loves me. _

"Jules? Maybe you should get to bed, hmm? Here, I'll help you." He lifted her body up and carried her into the bedroom, tucking her in with a gentle kiss.

"…be fine in the morning…" she murmured as she felt her eyes close. Her hands still throbbed, her head ached, and she was pretty sure that the fact that she'd been lying in bed next to Scott unable to sleep for the past few months – in case the alarm sounded and she didn't wake fast enough – was the cause of her exhaustion. If things kept going the way they were going, Jules was going to burn out. Already her brain moved slower, her thoughts weren't as coherent, and the strategic ideas she tried to offer were always majorly flawed– she was just glad that nothing serious had happened yet. _Except for when you dropped your gun and almost got an innocent boy killed! _Jules frowned slightly. This was not going to end well.

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**I know it's short - sorry! The next chapter isn't any longer either, but it will get there. I promise!**

**Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**This isn't a _real_ chapter. Consider it a teaser for what will come on Monday :) It didn't really fit with the last chapter, or with the next, so here it is. **

**PS You know it's bad when the description of the chapter is longer than the chapter  
**

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She woke up as soon as Scott entered the bed – her body conditioned to recognize his presence. As he settled down to sleep, her mind went into overdrive, and she knew that nothing would get her to sleep again tonight. _Please, please let tomorrow be boring. Please, please God no emergencies. Just once. Just this once. _

_

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_**Review (even though not much has changed plot-wise :) ) And thanks to everyone who has reviewed :) you make my day!  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**The update timing has changed a bit, because in a few weeks I'll be going away, and the way things are now, I'll be leaving you guys with a cliff-hanger for almost a month. I'm not that mean! So now you'll get an update twice a week. Probably Friday's and Mondays, or maybe Thursdays. We'll see. **

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! You make my day!  
**

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The alarm sounded once before Jules slammed her hand on it, shutting it off almost instantly – and making her wince in the process. She rose as silently as she could and was showered and dressed in seven minutes. She poured Scott's tea and almost left, before she remembered last night's conversation. Biting her lip, she tiptoed back into the bedroom, rummaging around in her drawer until she found a tube of lipstick. She smoothed quite a bit over her lips, kissed the napkin, scribbled a note, and then scrubbed at her lips with a damp paper towel until they were clean. Finally she left for work.

The drive over wasn't pleasant. Gripping the steering wheel with her hands seemed to be more painful than yesterday. By the time she got there, Jules had already swallowed three times the allotted dosage of aspirin. The lack of food and sleep, combined with the drugs, was giving her head a pleasant buzz. The door tilted as she went to grab it, and she blinked, struggling to keep focused. She made it into the changing room without falling over, but once there she collapsed on the floor, closing her eyes against the pain in her hands, head, and now stomach. She forced herself to use her hands to crawl along the floor, and reached the toilet just before she threw up. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself up and rinsed out her mouth, swallowing quite a bit of water in the process.

_"Mom, I feel kinda sick."_

_"Well how much medicine did you take, Jules?" The woman asked, grabbing the bottle to make sure her twelve year old daughter had taken enough of 'that disgusting purple goo' to make her feel better. _

_"Two cupfuls."_

_"Jules! You're only supposed to have one!"_

_The girl looked horrified, and the woman smiled gently, "Don't worry. You'll be fine. Drink a lot of liquid – it'll dilute the drugs. They'll wear off eventually."_

Jules smiled at the memory, and kept swallowing the water. When she thought she would throw up again, she let herself fall back to the floor. She dragged her duffel bag across the floor to her, changing while leaning against the wall. Every so often she would force more liquid down her throat, so that by the time she was fully dressed, Jules was pretty sure she could stand up without too much difficulty. She pulled her hands inside her sleeves and left, wondering how she was going to explain her lack of interest in physical activity to her team members.

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**I'm trying to make the chapters longer - I swear!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Enjoy! Sorry it's so short :(**

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She laughed as Sam and Wordy kept doing pushups – the rest of the guys cheering them on. It was a contest between the two to see which one could do more – Jules had been the original player, but had sacrificed her spot to give Wordy a chance, since, as she told Sam, "I could beat you with my hands behind my back."

The group finally broke up when Wordy let his body drop to the ground with a sigh of, "I'm too old for this!" Sam did one more, then let his arms buckle beneath him.

"Beat that, Jules," he said, grinning.

"Later – you're too tired out, and I don't want you to use some lame excuse when I kick your ass."

"Scared?" he smiled, letting his eyes close as the two men caught their breath on the floor.

Jules turned to go back to the treadmill, the only exercise she could do without hurting her hand. As she spun, so did the room, and she almost stumbled before catching herself. Apparently her lifestyle was catching up to her.

"You OK?" Wordy asked, as he stood up. Sam's eyes automatically snapped open and he raised his head to check her for any signs of ill health.

"Fine," she smiled brightly, heading back to the corner of the room.

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**Just a touch of Sam for chaviv86!**

**Review!  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Happy Friday!  
**

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"Hey Jules," Sam nodded as he hopped on the treadmill next to her. She offered him a smile.

"Hey."

"Gonna take off that shirt anytime soon?" Jules offered Sam an incredulous look and he laughed. "You've been running for a good twenty minutes, you should be burning up in those long sleeves."

Jules shrugged, "It's the curse of the perpetually skinny – we're always cold." Sam laughed again, and then his face took on a more serious tone.

"Jules, if something was wrong, anything at all, you'd tell us right?"

She looked at him, her body automatically going into defensive, "Nothing's wrong."

"But if there was…"

"Did Sarge say anything?"

"No, why would he?"

Jules shrugged, forcing herself to remain calm, "Dunno, he…he seems to think the pressure is getting to me or something."

"Is it?" he questioned, his tone only slightly accusatory.

"No!" she protested, "I've just…you know…"

"I _don't_ know Jules. That's why I'm asking. You don't look so good." He winced when he realized how that sounded, but Jules let it slide.

"I know…I just…I dunno – boy trouble. And I am_ not _going to ask you for advice," she added with a grin. Sam smiled in reply, and they fell into their usual, easy conversation.

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**Review!  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**And I promised the chapters would be longer - I think my brain confused the definitions of "shorter" and "longer" :( - Sorry.**

**The updating plan is officially gone. As soon as I can, I'll post a new chapter. Thanks for all the reviews so far - I should reply to them, but I'm just really lazy. **

**elle127 - They will soon! I promise (read the chapter and you'll see what I mean)**

**chachakid - If you thought last chapter was a cliff hanger, I dread to think of your response to this one!**

**Pink Blackberry Girl - I promise to try to write longer chapters. **

**chaviv86 - Sam will come again, soon. I promise.  
**

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Jules turned off the treadmill, intending to go for another drink of water and a chance to cool down, but as she stepped off, she found the world tilting before her eyes. She blinked, forcing herself to keep walking. _Just across the room, Jules. The changing room is just outside, and then you can relax._

She kept going, but it was becoming increasingly harder to walk straight. She knew her body was swaying – but so far no one seemed to have noticed, for which she was eternally grateful. She blinked, and her already blurred vision went black.

Ed was the closest to her, and he caught the small figure before she collapsed on the floor.

"Officer down!" his immediate responsal yell was, "Call 911! NOW!"

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**Review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Yikes! I cannot believe this story has gotten over 100 reviews! I can't help thinking that when the idea first came to me (way back before i even started writing it) i was planning on making a short little one-shot where everything got wrapped up in a happy little package! Thanks so much for all the reviews, and enjoy!  
**

**Recap: **_"Officer down! Call 911! NOW!"_

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The ambulance arrived almost instantly, and the paramedics were met with six anxious men, all shouting vital signs and information. Finally, one of them – the one sitting on the floor with the unconscious form in his lap – shut the others up.

"You, sir," the paramedic began, kneeling on the ground next to him.

"Ed," the man told him.

"What happened here?"

"Jules – Julianna Callaghan – was just getting a drink. She seemed a little shaky, but fine, and then she collapsed. I caught her, so she didn't hit her head. Her pulse is pretty strong, but she still hasn't woken up."

"Was she overexerting herself?"

"No. She was running, but not that hard. She's done ten times that before and been fine."

"She's wearing long sleeves," a blond man added, "She looked," he paused, about to say 'hot' but knowing that it wouldn't sound right, "…uncomfortably warm, but she wouldn't change."

"Ok, let's get this shirt off, and some oxygen. Max, get a stretcher and a neck brace."

"She didn't fall," someone protested, but the paramedic didn't see who.

"Procedure," he replied. Already he had scissors and was slicing Jules's shirt in half. The men automatically averted their eyes. Sam found himself hoping that the shirt wasn't her favorite – she would hate that it was ruined. Then again, if she would wake up and hate the paramedic for cutting her shirt and exposing her to the world (and Sam for letting him) at least that meant she was OK.

"Holy…" the paramedic's voice was full of horror. Sam (sending a prayer to God that Jules wouldn't find out he had looked) turned his head. He too, felt the emotion flood him.

With her wearing just a sports bra, it was easy to see the reason behind Jules' long sleeved shirts. Every inch of her body was covered in bruises – some fading, some brand new. Cuts and scars also marked up her skin. Her hands were an angry red - both of them had been burned, badly.

"What the hell?" Ed too, it seemed, had looked.

"Who…Why…" Sam's thoughts were disjointed and incoherent, until finally one came to rest at the top of his mind. "I will kill him. Whoever did this, I swear I will kill him."

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	19. Chapter 19

**Another short one, but the next chapter should be up later today (if I'm not busy), or at least early tomorrow (of course that all depends what time zone you're living in). **

**Recap:**_"Who…Why…" Sam's thoughts were disjointed and incoherent, until finally one came to rest at the top of his mind. "I will kill him. Whoever did this, I swear I will kill him."_

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"Sam," Parker's voice was deadly quiet, "Not now." The young man turned and slammed his fist into a punching bag before calming, biting his lip as he remained poised for battle with an unknown enemy. The rest of the team had turned their heads, curiosity and concern winning over common courtesy.

"OK, guys. I know you're all worried, but let's go." Parker gently touched the shoulders of his teammates, dragging them from their frozen shock. The men looked like they were about to protest, but Parker added, "Jules doesn't want you seeing this. Come on."

Slowly they left the room. Wordy and Sam hesitated by Jules's side.

"I should have seen it," Wordy muttered. "I should have noticed. How could I miss it – again? I should have known…"

"Come on guys. There was nothing you could have done, Wordy." Parker sighed, and his voiced filled with pain as he admitted, "Even I didn't see it coming. Not this."

Sam, fists clenched, knelt beside her and whispered, "Never again, Jules. It'll never happen again."

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	20. Chapter 20

**I did promise it would be early today, but oh well. Thanks for the reviews, and enjoy! By the way, I don't know if they ever mention Ed's childhood/siblings, but if they did just ignore that for now - thanks :)  
**

**Recap:**_Parker gently touched the shoulders of his teammates, dragging them from their frozen shock, "I know you're all worried, but let's go. Jules doesn't want you seeing this. Come on."_

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Ed stayed behind, Jules still leaning against him. He was propping her up – now behind very cautious to avoid touching bruises and potentially injuring her more.

"Can you stay with her? I'm gonna need to help Max with that stretcher, and get some more supplies. Keep her still." He rose, and then said, "You know – I don't understand it."

"Understand what?"

"Why women let their husbands –"

"Jules isn't married," Ed said automatically, and then froze as the meaning of the words slowly sunk in. It all fit. How she never left the house except for work. The way she got uncomfortable when asked a question about her weekend. Even Wordy's and Sam's words hadn't meant anything to him. He felt stupid – he should have realized it when they did. But after knowing Jules for so long, it had never occurred to him. Never entered his head. Ideas like 'mugging' or 'unsupervised hand to hand combat training'. The stupid, reckless things Jules would never mention.

"-boyfriend, husband, what does it matter?" the man was saying, his voice filled with pity, "Why do women let themselves get smacked around? Everyone knows that's not love."

As the paramedic left, Ed let out the breath he'd been holding to keep himself from losing control and finding Scott, then beating the living hell out of him again and again.

"Oh Jules," he whispered gently, stroking her hair like he used to do for his little sister when she had a nightmare, "what have you gotten yourself into?" He swallowed past the lump in his throat.

Slowly, the form in his arms twitched. A soft whimper passed through her lips, and then her eyes blinked open.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Recap: **_"Oh Jules," he whispered gently,"what have you gotten yourself into?" Slowly, the form in his arms twitched. A soft whimper passed through her lips, and then her eyes blinked open._

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"W…wh…what happened?" she asked, her voice soft, eyes still struggling to focus.

"You tell me."

"What?" She sat up, before he could stop her, but he decided that if she was moving on her own her spine wasn't injured.

"You collapsed. Middle of the gym. And those burns on your hands? Bruises all over your body?" He felt himself getting angrier, and took a deep breath. More calmly he asked, "Jules, what happened?"

A million things to say entered her head. A million lies sat waiting for her to grab and use. She opened her mouth, about to weave a fantasy about staying up making Scott a birthday breakfast, about dropping the pan and burning her hands, about forgetting to eat breakfast herself. Or maybe she'd choose the one about swallowing meds on an empty stomach, burning her hands when she tripped this morning, and getting dizzy while working out, and not drinking enough water. But as she opened her mouth to start explaining away the bruises and burns, her eyes met with his and her mind refused to work. Her mouth was opened, but no sound came out. She struggled to think, but nothing came and her heart was pounding so loudly she was sure it could be heard across the hall.

It took a lot of skill to lie to a negotiator. Timing had to be perfect, eye contact had to be met and held, but not for too long. Already, Jules knew she had failed – the silence had been too long. She struggled once more to force out a lie, but instead a strangled sob came, and she buried her face in her mangled hands, unable to stop the tears.

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**Fin.**

**An epilogue will be posted sometime this weekend.**

**Review!  
**


	22. Chapter 22

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**Thanks for all of the reviews. I'm so glad that everyone likes it so much, and that you guys don't want it to end. But on the bright side, once this is done, maybe I'll write a new story (if you can't wait, I did write a oneshot called 'The Sweetest Candy in the Shop' although it doesn't relate to this story) I hope you enjoy the very last chapter, and that it gives you the resolution you so desperately want.**

**Thank you so much for reading (even if you didn't review), because this is my very first official long/multi-chapter fic, and I'm glad it was a success.  
**

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Four months later…

She was shaking. As they led her away from the courthouse, her body was trembling.

"Jules?" Sam voice was soft, gentle, and full of concern.

_Don't admit weakness. Blame it on the wind, the weather, anything but recounting your near death experience. _

"I'm sorry." It came out in a whimper, and Jules hung her head. Everything she did seemed wrong. Joking around with the guys felt like she was hiding her feelings, and pretending that she wasn't upset. But acting like she was terrified of her own shadow wasn't true either. She was scared – of Scott. Of letting herself reach that point again. Of feeling like she wasn't worth something better. But she wasn't afraid of Sam, or of the team, or of being herself. Was she?

"Jules, look at me." She raised her head to stare into Sam's eyes, which were looking down at her intensely. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for, you understand me? _Nothing_. You did _nothing_ wrong."

"I shouldn't have let him get so close…I should've broken it off the very first time. I should've fought back. I'm not some weak little girl who lets herself get pushed around!"

"Jules," he sighed softly, unsure of how to console her.**  
**

"Jules, we can tell you it isn't your fault forever; it won't help if you don't listen." Ed cut in, "You have to say it. And eventually, you'll believe it."

"I know it isn't my fault, Ed, _he _hit _me._ I know that. But I chose to let him. I didn't try to stop it; I just let him order me around. And I don't know _why_. If I know why I can make sure it doesn't happen again – but I don't know! What if I let it happen? What if it happens and I just lose myself again? What do I do? And so I'm scared. And I'm also sick, because a part of me wants him back. Part of me wants to go in there and recant everything I just said, and take him back and let him punish me and then curl up on the couch with him. How am I supposed to be Sierra One, if I don't even know who I am? If I hate myself?"

"You tell us, and we stop you from going back to him. And then you start realizing that you're better off without him. And then you start to like yourself. And then you keep letting us help you. And then you become Jules Callaghan again. And then you come back and be Sierra One. If you can beat me," Ed added with a smile.

"With my eyes closed!" Jules laughed, shoving him, as she felt a weight lift from her shoulders.

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**Fin.**

**By the way, elle127 - I wish I could let the team beat Scott up, but they are decent, law abiding citizens, so instead they took him to court. If it makes you feel better, I'm sure they put his face on all of the punching bags in the SRU gym. **

**Thanks for reading!  
**


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